Bitter or Better?

In my visit to a bookstore, I was browsing through their collection when I came upon the section on counseling and advice. I chanced upon this book, (unfortunately, I forgot the title), that supposedly talks about coming to terms with heartaches or broken hearts, and the process of healing and moving on. Since I am going through this difficult situation at this point in time, my curiosity was piqued.

After reading the summary at the back, I turned the page to the first chapter and the title got me. It posed a very striking question: bitter or better? It hit me right in the head. You see, when it comes to dealing with my own pain, I get lost. But, I have always held that one should experience the hurt, allow oneself to mope, feel depressed, get angry and what have you, (in fact, you cannot help it!), not only because that is the reality of broken hearts but also because one has to get it out of his/her system. And I believed that one has to go through this before the process of healing takes over. Of course, where and when you show this kind of behavior is different for each person. Some people are transparent while others tend to do their grieving in private.

In one of the scenes of the movie Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch asks his sick and dying professor Morrie, if he ever gets deppressed, angry or fearful because of his condition, and Morrie says that of course, it is but natural. However, he adds that he does not dwell long in that negative moment, but he acknowledges the feeling and basks in it for a moment; afterwards, he distances himself from it and moves on. Even in his condition, he recognizes that life still has much to offer.

It was such an awesome lesson for me, because to be able to do that, you have to have reached a certain maturity and discipline in order that your emotions do not control or limit your positive outlook in life; that despite the odds, there is still a measure of hope. However, I tried practicing Morrie's way, but a lot of times, it did not work, much as I'd like to have that kind of emotional discipline and maturity. It takes me a longer time to get over an emotion and a lot of times, I get stuck. In a sense, I think that there is also a certain masochistic bent to it -- the monster in me wanting to squeeze every sorry stuff out of the situation I am in. It is so easy for someone who is broken-hearted to be bitter, to continually rage against one's lot or to indulge in the negative emotions for a long time, and this becomes even more complicated because this can be addictive.

But somehow, this book, which I just browsed, was able to wake me up from some of my tendencies. It was as if someone physically knocked me out of my reverie, or like I was seeing the movie Tuesdays with Morrie again, and the same lesson is being repeated. It was warning me not to inflict more wounds on myself and to accept the fact that somethings are not meant to be. No use crying over spilled milk, as the saying goes (which is better said than done though). That is why, this idea of being better than bitter attracted me. To be better requires a lot of energy and effort, which is difficult since the negative emotions can zap the strength out of anybody. Ultimately then, to be better is a decision that one has to purposely embrace everyday.

Nowadays, the first chapter's title keeps repeating itself in my head like a mantra whenever I feel the urge to mope, be deppressed and give up. Bitter or better? Bitter or better? BITTER OR BETTER? I hope in time, I can confidently answer the question with 'Who wants to be bitter? BETTER of course'.

(Note: I just had to unload some serious stuff as a sort of catharsis or else my head would explode. Hehehe...)